cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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