I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
