Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
