It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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