it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
