y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
