things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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