Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is wine microwaveable?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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