My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Couch. On fire.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
