the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
