Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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