I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
