She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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