sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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