tell your sister to shave her snatch
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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