All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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