I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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