I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
