Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
