Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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