so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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