Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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