My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
