To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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