I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
