You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
