This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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