Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
