you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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