I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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