My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
whose parrot is this?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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