i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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