sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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