You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
