Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
