well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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