i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
