i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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