im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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