it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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