hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
