Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
