I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
