We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
