I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
