: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
