I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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