you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
