Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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