i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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