well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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