I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
