its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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