in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
