i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
