You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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