the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
