The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The air was thick with penises
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
