I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
