She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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