When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
