i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
