The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
